Mariah W. - "Seth's Prayer"

“ Can I bring the flowers to mom.” They were not allowed in the ICU, but Kate, the nurse coming into the waiting room to get me, nodded anyway. I slid off the chair, onto the floor and grabbed Kate’s hand. Kate was my favorite nurse in the whole entire hospital. We headed to see my mom for the brief visits allowed each hour, when I walked into the room I quietly slipped into the hard, plastic chair next to my mom’s bed. I laid the flowers I picked on the wooden bedside table, studied my moms pale, taunt face, and then bowed my head in prayer.

~

I smiled when I saw Seth bow his head, his mother had taught him well. He prayed for his mother all the time. My smile faded, I knew what Seth did not, and it made me want to cry. His mother was dying. I felt the lump rise in my throat, the wetness of tears, it was more than I could take I turned from the window and buried my face in my hands. Seth refused to eat and constantly asked if God was making his mom better, I just smiled trying to hide the tears, and told him to keep praying. Earlier this morning he asked how to do laundry. The wrinkled cloths he wore looked clean, but probably needed to be washed.

~

I saw Kate turn away from the window and wipe her eyes, I knew my mom’s cancer wasn’t getting better, for all I knew she was getting worse, but what I did know was that I wasn’t going to stop praying, God would save her, he had to. My moms eyes fluttered open and she lightly squeezed my hand.

“Mom, I brought you flowers. Was that okay?” My voice trembled and she closed her eyes and smiled.

“Very okay. They’re beautiful.” She laid them one her blanket so she could enjoy them.

~

I looked at my son for several minuets, my heart tugged at the sight of him. He was wearing his favorite shirt washed, but wrinkled and worn jeans that would need a stain remover. His stories came out in a rush, I let him talk, and I smiled and laughed in all the right places. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. After my husband died I poured my all into keeping him safe, and now this. Kate came in to get Seth and he got up slowly, I knew what he was feeling, I didn’t want this time to end either.

~

I scuffed my shoe against the white tile floor and stared out the window, wiping furiously at the tears streaming down my face. They couldn’t see me crying or they wouldn’t let me visit anymore. The thought made panic rise in my chest. I held back a sob and worked my jaw.

She wasn’t getting better.

I had to pray harder.